THE 

GOVERNOR'S 

GUARDIAN 

A COMEDY 
IN THREE ACTS 

BY 

FREDERICK TIBBETTS 

^^ 

Copyright, 1905, by Frederick Tibbetts 



iri? 



Published by Tibbetts Press 
Board of Trade, Columbus, 0. 



THE 

GOVERNOR'S 

GUARDIAN 

A COMEDY 
IN THREE ACTS 

^^ 

BY 

FREDERICK TIBBETTS 

^^ 

Copyright, 1905, by Frederick Tibbetts 

^^ 

Published by Tibbetts Pres& 
Board of Trade, Columbus, 0. 



Two Oooies rtaceivm, 

JUL 3 190r 



J. ^ 4>vj VJ G 



PROPERTIES. 



Act I. 

Book case R. Piano in alcove C. Al- 
cove curtained. Desk and chair L. Phone, 
desk light and push buton on desk. Push 
button connected with bell that can be 
heard. Library table and chairs. Pens, 
n)k and paper on desk and table. Three- 
sheet lithograph of variety actress in red 
tights, mounted on regular billboard. 
Chandelier that is attached and strong 
':'nough to bear the weight of a man. 

Act. II. 

Plaster bric-a-brac images, one being a 
Venus. Valise for Otway. Work basket 
and lace for Electa. Letter for Lizzie. 
Hemp rope, bottle of poison, revolver 
and large envelope for Ebenezer. Re- 
volver for Jack. Bottle of poison for Ot- 
way. 

Act III. 

Cigar and match for Jack. Farewell 
note for Lizzie. Bottle poison for Otway. 
Ropes and two large handkerchiefs for 
DeGraff. Revolver in desk for Jack. 
Purse for Ebenezer. Pencils and paper 
for Ebenezer and Jack. 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 



John (Jack) Harris. 

Ebenezer Harris, Jack's Father. 

Harold DeGraff, Manager of Trixie Feo- 

dore. 
Otway Bellows, Servant in Harris Home. 
Mrs. Electa Rutherford, Widowed Sister- 

in-Law of Ebenezer Harris. 
Alice Rutherford, Mrs. Rutherford's niece 
Tri'/ie Feodore, a Variety Actress. 
Lizzie.. Domestic in Harris Home. 
Two extra abductors may be 
employed in last act. 



Time: Present. 



Scene: The Harris' Home. 



Note.— A library set with an alcove left 
center for three acts or three distinct in- 
teriors may be used. 

Act T-— Morning. Act II — Evening. Act 

III — Following Evening. 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 



NOTE— The production of this play is 
prohibited except when written permis- 
sion is given by Frederick Tibbetts, 251 
Avondale Ave., Columbus, Ohio. 



ACT I. 

Scene— Handsomely furnished library 
n home of Ebenezer Harris. 



Lizzie, very excited, discovered looking 
out of window. Loud talk without. 
Lizzie (Pointing with hand)— Thirty- 
four, thirty-five, thirty-six, (standing on 
tip-toe) thirty-seven. What in the world 
are those men doing here? The front 
porch won't hold many more. Some of 
them are looking for others. It's a mob. 
They may burn the house, (turning.) 
Why don't Mr. Ebenezer come down" 
(looking again.) They are getting ready 
to do something. 

Enter Jack 
(from Alcove, throwing wide the cur- 
tains.) 
Jack — Good morning, father. Hello, 
the governor isn't up yet. Who is get- 
ting ready to do something, Lizzie? 

Lizzie— O, Mr. Jack! Who are these 
men? 



6 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 



Jack (Looking out of window and 
laughing)— By Jove! The Governor's got 
his hands full this time. (Continued loud 
talk without.) 

Lizzie — There's thirty-seven of 'em, 
Mr. Jack. What are they going to do? 
(Trembling.) 

Jack— It's all right,, Lizzie. (Aside) I'll 
at least know where to find the Governor 
when I want him. (Turning) It's this 
way, Lizzie; the Governor wanted a 
valet, an errand boy, a male servant, so 
he put an advertisement in this morn- 
ing's Journal. His "ad" read: "Wanted: 
An able-bodied valet. Good pay. Call 
at .10 a. m. Thursday, 92 Gerard Ave." 
And this is the outcome. 

(Continued loud grumbling.) 
(Looking at watch) It is five minutes 
until ten. I'll go down and tell them that 
the Governor will see them right away. 
(Exit Jack, door Right.) 
Enter Mrs. Electa Rutherford, Alcove. 
Electa — Lizzie, what does it all mean? 
(Pointing to window.) 

Lizzie— Mr. Ebenezer's— they're valets 
— errand boys— male servants— they're 
his 

Electa (looking out)— What, all of 
them? 

Lizzie (nodding head in affirmative) — 
Yes'm. There are thirty-seven — and more 
comin' 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 7 

Electa throws hands in the air 
as Alice enters. 

Alice — O, Auntie, (catching Mrs. Elec- 
ta as if in fear she is about to fall) What 
is it, dear? (guiding Mrs. Electa to chair 
where she sinks in utter helplessness and 
speaks as if with last breath, as she 
points to window). 

Electa — Valets — errand boys — male 
servants 

Alice (looking out of the window and 
turning to leave) — I'm going to find 
Jack 

Electa (recovering immediately and 
following quickly) — No, you are not. 
(.Exit both C.) 

Enter Ebenezer Harris 
(by putting head in at door L.) 

Ebenezer — Have they gone, Lizzie? 

Lizzie — Who, Mr. Ebenezer? 

Ebenezer — All of them, but more par- 
ticularly that somewhat distinguished but 
altogether noisy son of mine. I do hate 
noise. John Harris, Lizzie, has he gone? 

Lizzie — Yes, Mr. Ebenezer. He just 
went out to tell these men that you 
vv^ould soon see them. (More noise 
without.) 

Ebenezer- -Men; what men? Who is 
making all that racket? 

Lizzie — Your valets, your errand boys, 
vour iiiale servants 



8 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

Ebenezer — My what? Well, tell them 
to be quiet. You know I hate noise. 
(Looking out of window) (more noise) 
(whistling). That ad. (Opening window) 
(louder noise) (and waving his hand) 
Go away. I don't want a valet, an er- 
rand boy, a male servant. (Loud pro- 
tests). Do you hear me? (loudly) Go 
away and don't make so much noise. I'll 
have yon arrested for trespass (very loud 
talk, lowering suddenly as window is 
closed by Ebenezer) (Going quickly to 
desk he telephones) Seven-twenty-nine. 
No, not eleven — seven. Yes, seven-twen- 
ty-nine. Hello, this Hello — Is this 

the Journal office? Well, stop that ad. 
There 're a thousand men out in front of 
my house. What? Then stop the paper. 
I'll never pay another cent. Call these 
men off and send 'em up, one at a time. 
What's that? Who — what (more noise) 
Lizzie, stop that noise — who am I — I'm 
a fool to give you that ad. (Hanging up 
receiver with force.) 

Lizzie — O, Mr. Ebenezer, what shall 
we do? 

Ebenezer — Face the music, Lizzie; 
that's what we'll do. Go to the door, 
Lizzie; that's a good girl, Lizzie; bring 
'em in one at a time, mind you, one at a 
time. Don't let two of 'em in at the 
same time, Lizzie; they'd make too much 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 9 

noise and I do hate noise. (More noise. 
Lizzie hesitates.) 

Lizzie— Oh, Mr. Ebenezer! (More 
noise.) 

Ebenezer — Hurry. Lizzie. Don't be 
afraid. Be a man, Lizzie. Let 'em in — 
one at a time (Exit Lizzie R.) 

(Picking up paper) Damn that Jour- 
nal! Who would have thought that little 
three-line ad. would have made so much 
noise. 

Enter Lizzie, followed by Otway 

Bellows, who stands near door. 

Exit Lizzie through Alcove. 

Ebenezer— Well, sir, what do you 
want ? 

Otway (In confusion) — You-er ad. in 
the Journal, sir. I came to try for the 
job. sir. 

Ebenezer — Eh — job? O yes. you want 
to be a valet, an errand boy, a male ser- 
vant. 

Otway — Ye-es, sir. 

Ebenezer — How did you happen to be 
the first one to get in? 

Otway — I v/as the first one at the door, 
sir. 

Ebenezer — What time did you come? 
Otway — Five o'clock this morning, sir. 
Ebenezer— From five 'til ten. You're 
hired. 

Otway — Thank-ye, s 



[0 THE aOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

Ebenezer— Wait a minute. What's 
yo'ir name? 

Otv/ay — Otv.ay Bellows, sir. 

Ebenezer — Otway Bellows, well Ol- 
way, come this way. (Otway moves 
I'tarer) How old are you? 

Otv/ay — I don't know, sir. 

Ebenezer (Rapidly) — Are you sober, 
(Otway nods head in affirmative) honest, 
(luick to obey, quiet, for I do hate noise, 
acquainted with the city? Can you shine 
shoes, keep clothes clean, operate a type- 
writer, take stenographic notes, wait on 
table, perform general house work, an- 
swer the 'phone? Tn short, will you 
obey my every instruction and pay no 
attention to my son, John? 

Otway — Yes-es, sir (more noise with- 
out.) 

Ebenezer— You're hired. Go down to 
the door and dismiss that mob. Tell 'em 
you're hired. Tell 'em the Journal lied. 
Tell 'em anything. Get 'em out. (Exit 
Otway R.) They'll ruin the lawn. (Go- 
ing to window) (Continuous grumbling, 
growing gradually less) (Coming back 
from window Ebenezer, seeming to scent 
danger, quickly secures his hat from desk 
?nd makes rapid exit L.) 
Enter Jack, C. 

Jack (looking around) — I wonder 
v.here the Governor is. He must have 

-rnn^ oMf (Fyit R.) 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN (1 

Enter Ebenezer, L. 
(Putting head in at door first.) 

Ebenezer — The coast is clear again 
(entering and seating himself) O, my 
dear boy, your m.ost devoted parent only 
asks for forty-eight hours and then you 
can cast him off — forever. Where is this 
— way, that way, that Otway? (Rings 
bell, two rings.) I must give him his 
instructions. (Rings bell.) 
Enter Lizzie. 

Lizzie — Did you ring, sir? 

Ebenezer (Mockingly) — Did you ring, 
sir. No, my adorable little Lizzie, I did 
not ring. I pushed the button and the 
bell did the ringing. Where is Otway? 

Lizzie — Who. sir? 

Ebenezer — Otway. the new m^an. 

Lizzie — You mean the valet, the er- 
rand boy, the man servant? L'll call him. 
(Exit R.) 

Ebenezer (Mockingly) — ^The valet, the 
errand boy, the man servant. 
Enter Otway. R. 
(With a bandage over one eye. his coat 
torn and one arm in a sling.) 

Oh! Here you are. What the devil is 
the matter with you? 

Otway — I dismissed the mob. sir. 

Ebenezer — Did you hear m.e ring? 

Otway— I heard the bell, sir. 

Ebenezer — O. you did. did you? You 
heard the bell. Well, after this, when 



12 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

you hear that bell ring twice, you are 
wanted. Do you understand? 

Otway — Ye-es, sir. Shall I start when 
I hear at once, sir? 

Ebenezer — Yes, but stop if it doesn't 
ring twice, for one ring calls Lizzie. 

Otway — Then I guess I'll come, sir, 
for I like to be where she is. She tied 
up my arm and put this bandage on my 
head. I believe I love her, sir. (hanging 
head bashfully). 

Ebenezer — Is that so? You will prob- 
ably continue to wear a bandage on your 
head if you answer that bell when it 
only rings once. Do you understand? 
Now, look here, Otway Bellows, I didn't 
hire you to wait on Lizzie; you're to wait 
on me. Do you understand? 

Otv/ay — Yes-es, sir. 

Ebenezer — Now, to business. I must 
tell you a secret. Come here to the win- 
dow. Do you see that picture yonder 
on that bill board? 

Otway — The one with the red legs, sir? 

Ebenezer — The one in red tights, Ot- 
way. That is Miss Trixie Feodore. She 
is my fiance. 

Otway (Eyeing Ebenezer incredulous- 
ly) — You — mean, — - sir — you — are going 
to marr}'- that? 

Eebenezer (Sternly) — Miss Trixie Feo- 
dore, Otway. Now. I want you to pay 



THE GOVERMOR'S GUARDIAN 13 

close attention. If my son Jack knew of 
this alliance before we are safely mar- 
ried, I fear he would raise serious objec- 
tions. 

Otway (Meekly)— You think he'd raise 
hell, sir? 

Ebenezer — Exactly, Otway; now I 
want to avoid meeting Jack until after 
the event and if you see him coming you 
must tell me, or if he inquires for me, 
you must lie to him, Otway, Tell him 
anything but the truth. Do you under- 
stand? (Looking up quickly, scenting 
danger.) Wait here until I come back. 
(Exit L.) 

Enter Jack, R. 

Jack — Hello, O you are the valet, the — 

Otv/ay — Ye-es, sir. 

Jack — Where is father? They told me 
he was here. 

Otway — That's right. He was here. 
(Ebenezer looks in L, and shakes 
fist at Otway.) 

Jack — ^Where is he now? 

Otway (Pointing left) — Over there. 
Jack starts left) That is, he was over 
there (pointing to window) looking at 
his fi-an-ce. 

Jack — His what? 

Otway— But he's gone out that (point- 
ing to alcove) way, I remember now 
he stopped and played on the piano. 



14 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

Jack — The Governor played on the 
piano? 

Otway — Yes, he played "Wait 'Til the 
Clouds Roll By." 

Jack — Otway, (slowly) you're a liar. If 
there were no tables in the house the 
Governor might be accused of playing 
poker on the piano, but music — never. 
Now, look here, Otway, you and I might 
just as well understand each other right 
now. I want you to keep me posted on 
the Governor's actions, and I want the 
truth. If there is any lying to be done, 
lie to the Governor. He's paying the 
money and expects to be cheated. Now, 
vrhere is the Governor? 

Otway (Pointing right) — He went out 
the front way a while ago. I don't 
know where he is, but I guess he's across 
the street looking at the bill board. 

Jack (Eyeing him closely) — We don't 
understand each other very well yet, but 
we haven't time now. I must find the 
Governor. (Exit R.) 

Enter Ebenezer. 

Ebenezer (Mockingly)— "Wait 'Till 
the Clouds Roll By," fool; I don't know 
one note from another. But we must 
act quickly. Just a minute. (Seating him- 
self at desk and writing. Otway sits at 
table and writes quickly. Ebenezer tears 
up paper and writes address on card. As 
he rises Otway rises.) 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN !5 

Ebenezer — Here, Otway, never mind 
a note. Here's the address (handing 
card) of Miss Trixie Feodore. Go, bring 
her here. T must see her right away. 
Do yon understand? 

Otway — Ye-es, sir. Mr. Ebenezer, 
(handing paper) can you advance me 
Fifty on this? 

Ebenezer — This, what's this? (Read- 
ing.) ''For value received, within sixty 
days I promise to pay Tibenezer Harris 
the sum of fifty dollars. Signed, Otway 
Bellows." Why, man, that isn't a nego- 
tiable note. (Handing back note.) 

Otway (Downcast) — What is a nego- 
tiable note, sir? 

Ebenezer— Why, mine or Mr. Mor- 
gan's or j\[r. Rockefeller's. (Exit laugh- 
ing, L.) 

Otv/ay (Looking at note) — And he said 
he couldn't tell one note from another. 
Well, I m.ust go and get (looking at 
card) Miss Trixie Feodore, seventy-five 
north (Looking out of window) I don't 
need that address. (Tears up card and 
exit R.) 

Enter Electa. 

(Going to window, then looking around 

library.) 

Electa — 1 wonder what he's done with 
'em.. Well, I've commenced to pack. Fm 
going back to the farm. It kept me busy 
looking after Ebenezer and keeping Jack 



16 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

away from Alice, but I'm not going to 
put up with thirty-seven valets, errand 
boys and male servants, not I. 
Enter Alice. 

Alice, dear, come here and sit down. 
The time is ripe for just a little heart 
to heart talk between us two. 

Alice — What is it. Auntie? 

Electa — I don't know just where to be- 
gin. In the first place, you know, you 
have no home except that provided by 
relatives who love you dearly. 

Alice — What am I to do? I could give 
music lessons. I might even teach 
school, but you will not listen to any of 
these plans. 

Electa — No, Alice, you shall never 
want for a home while I live, but in 
order to be prepared for what is to fol- 
low I want you to realize your true con- 
dition. You have no reasonable expec- 
tations. 

Alice — Aunt Electa, I 

Electa— Now, child, if Jack Harris 
makes any advances I want you to real- 
ize the vast 

Alice — Jack Harris! 

Electa — The vast difference in your 
stations in life. You have nothing — he 
has — or can have everything. His father 
is ridiculously wealthy, and he will be. 
He is college bred. You have been 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 17 

through a country school; but worst of 
all, he is a Harris — you are a Ruther- 
ford. 

Alice — Aunt Electa, all this is a waste 
of time. Jack Harris is a relative of 
yours, not mine, and never will be. I 
like Tack, but there is one more, a far 
greater reason, than those you have 
named why I wouldn't marry him. 

Electa— And that? 

Alice — The man I marry must love me, 
not my prospects. He must have proven 
himself before the world so that I may 
know that when he says to me ''I love 
you," there will be no shadow of doubt. 
And then, if I love him — no question of 
station, money, schooling, no, nor even 
name, shall have a particle of bearing 
on our actions. 

Electa — Nevertheless, I think you and 
I had better go back to the farm. We 
leave here day after tomorrow. 

Alice — Very well. Aunt Electa. (Exit 
Alice, C.) 

Electa — She is worth all the money 

Jack will ever own but 

Enter Jack. 

Jack — Hello, Auntie. Do you know 
where the Governor is? (Electa shakes 
head negative.) Well, I wanted to speak 
to you. Aunt Electa. 

Electa — Alice is going home day after 
tomorrow. 



iS THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

Jack — O, she is, is she? Well, it isn't 
about Alice I wish to speak. (Alice ap- 
pears in alcove and overhears.) I don't 
care anything about Alice. I don't care 
Ahen she goes home. 

Electa (Seeing Alice) — Day after to- 
morrow. 

(Exit Alice.) 

Jack -Well, never mind, Alice. I want 
to make a confession to you. Aunt Elec- 
ta. 

Electa (Loking up quickly) — Jack. 
n hat do you mean? 

Jack— Now, don't get excited. I have- 
n't killed anyone. I'm in love. 

Electa (Breathlessly) — Alice? 

Jack — No, not Alice. You seem deter- 
mined that I should take up with Alice. 
I believe you brought her here with that 
intention. 

Electa— She came on your father's in- 
vitation. 

Jack — O, of course, I didn't mean 

Electa— Who is she. Jack? 

Jack — Now, never mind who she is 
or what she is like. I couldn't describe 
her any more than I could describe a 
sunset in the Golden Gate, or the birth 
«^f a rose — or — or — Alice. 

Electa — Jack, are you telling me the 
truth? 

Jack — Sure. Now, when I found out 
about two we two months ago 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 19 

(Walking to window.) 

Electa (Aside) — Two months. He has 
known Alice two weeks. 

Jack — That I, — that she, — that we — 
well, when I learned the truth, I realized 
what a confounded fool I have been. Of 
course, father's got plenty of money and 
all that, but since I left college what 
have I done to win the respect of a girl 

like Al (Electa looks up quickly) 

like a Golden Gate sunset? But when I 
saw her. Well, since then everything 
is different. I have determined on a 
business career. With the money mother 
left me I am buying Great Eastern. I 
have about one-third of the entire stock 
now, and if I can secure a majority of 
the shares, well, you know, my future 
will be assured. 

Electa — Good, Jack. I am glad, very 
glad and I wouldn't wonder if I could 
help you a little. I have five hundred 
shares of Great Eastern that you can vote 
to suit yourself. 

Jack — You dear old aunt. Well, you 
are a jewel. Now, if you would agree 
to one more proposition 

Electa— Alice? 

Jack (Laughing) — No. not Alice. Just 
agree with me that father shall not know 
about this matter until I make good: 
although I am afraid I'll have to go to 
him for a little spare change before this 



20 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

job is finished. In the meantime I'll 
keep you posted. Let me thank you again 
for your interest. I may tell you who 
she is in a day or two. You say Alice 
is going home tomorrow? 

Electa — Day after tomorrow (eyeing 
him intently) Jack, you had better be 
truthful with me or — or you will lose 
that stock. 

Jack — By the way, Auntie, you might 
sign the stock over to me as soon as 
you conveniently can. 

Electa— -Just as soon as you tell me 
who she is, Jack, and if I approve. (Exit 
laughing L.) 

Jack (Whistling) — I guess I'd better 

not depend on that five hundred 

Enter Alice, C. 
(Dressed to leave, carrying suit case.) 

Hello, Alice, going out? 

Alice — I am going home — to Aunt 
Electa's, Mr. Harris. 

Jack— Mr. Harris, (Whistling.) Why, 
Aunt Electa said you were not going un- 
til day after 

Alice — T am going today — now, Mr. 
Harris. 

Jack — O, come now, don't Mr. Harris 
me You can call me Jack; we have 
known each other for 

Alice — Two weeks and 

Jack — Well, isn't that long enough 
i-n 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 21 

Alice — I think so, that's the reason 
I'm 

Jack — Hang it, I didn't mean just that. 
I suppose it would take you forever, 
but it didn't take me two days to know 
— to know that I loved you, Alice. 

Alice — Mr. Harris, I will not 

Jack — I do, Alice. I love you — don't 
go just yet. Give me a moment. 

Alice (Angrily) — Jack Harris, I acci- 
dentally overheard you, not ten minutes 
ago, tell Aunt Electa that you didn't 
care anything about me — that you didn't 
care when I went home. 

Jack — Then, until you heard that, you 
too cared? O, Alice, I was lying to 
Aunt Electa. She has some stock that 
I've 

Alice — And you think it flatters me 
when a self-confessed liar tells me he 
loves me? 

Jack— Alice, it was for your sake and 
mine. Aunt Electa seems determined 
that you and I shall not care for each 
other — insurmountable barriers and all 
that; but I love you, Alice. It is for you 
T am trying to redeem the past. It is for 
3^ou I am 

Alice — Lying, yes lying to one of the 
best-hearted of old ladies. 

Jack — Alice, a man can afford to be 
saving of the truth with all but the one 
woman. He needs it all— all the truth 



22 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

that is in him when he looks into the 
eyes of the woman he loves. It is to 
you, Alice, all the truth that is in me 
shall speak. I love you dearly. Can't 
you give me the least bit of assurance 
that you believe — that you can return 
my love? 

Alice — Yes, I can return it right awa3\ 
unopened. Jack Harris, I shall never 
marry any man's — any man's father'? 
money. 

Jack — Alice, 1 am making a way for 
myself. In a short time I will be at the 
head of one of the largest and most 
prosperous corporations in the country. 
Father knows nothing of it. Aunt Elec- 
ta can tell you. Alice, when I have made 
a name for myself, when I have made 
good, tell me you, will listen to me and 
believe me. (Putting his arm about her.) 

Alice (Hiding her face) — O! Jack 

Enter Electa. 

Electa — Alice! What are you doing? 

Alice (Picking up suit case) — I am — I 
am going home. 

Electa — Not until I go, Alice, and I 
am not sure but I am needed here. 
(Ringing bell twice.) 

Enter Otway, R. 

Otway (Out of breath) — I've got her 
out here in the hall, sir. 

Jack — Got who, man? Bring her in. 

Otway — Ye-es, sir. (Exit R.) 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 23 



Enter Ebenezer, C. 

Jack— Father, at last I've 

Enter Otway, R. 
(Carrying bill board back to front.) 
Otway — Here she is, sir. 
Ebenezer— She? What have you there? 
Otway (Turning bill board, exposing 
lithograph of variety actress in red 
tights) — Your fi-an-ce, sir. 

Ebenezer (Falling over back of chair) 
-The devil! 

Jack — Trixie Feodore! 
Electa— Jack Harris, that hussy! 
Alice (Turning away)— O, Jack! 
Quick Curtain. 



24 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 



ACT II. 



Scene: Same as Act I may be used or a 

diflFerent interior with practically 

same entrances. 

(Otway discovered packing an old va- 
lise. After removing his necktie and 
packing it carefully in his valise he se- 
cures a piece of bric-a-brac, and cau- 
tiously packs it. He then removes his 
collar and after packing it in the valise 
he secures a small plaster Venus, which 
he places in the valise. He then removes 
his coat and vest and after packing the 
vest he puts on the coat and buttons it. 
turning collar up. He then closes valise, 
not having spoken. Closing and picking 
up valise, he looks around the room.) 

Otway (Tragically) — Farew,ell ambi- 
tion. Farewell love — and all. I am go- 
ing back to the farm. (He is "about to 
leave, R., when bell rings twice. Hesi- 
tating.) Farewell sweet bells. No more 
shall ring Otway thisway and thatway. 
(Bell rings twice vigorously. Hesitating 
he places grip on chair and slowly exits 
L.) 

Enter Lizzie, C. 
(Carrying dust brush.) 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 25 

Lizzie (Discovering valise) — What's 
this? (Opening valise) A vest! (Taking 
out vest) And little Venus! (Taking out 
Venus and placing on table) Why, the 
place is being robbed! This collar (Tak- 
ing out collar) That's Otway's. I know 
it by this spot of blood. It was there 
when I bandaged his head. So-so, Mr. 
Otway, you are not only a valet an er- 
rand boy, a male servant, you are a thief! 
(Taking up Venus) And you, my pretty 
Venus; was he kidnapping you, or elop- 
ing with you? I have a rival in the af- 
fections of me lord. 

Enter Otway, L. 

Oh! Here you are — you — 

Otway — Valet, errand boy, male ser- 
vant, me no more, madamoiselle. I have 
been fired. 

Lizzie — And you are leaving 

Otway — Nothing that will pack in my 
valise. (Taking up valise in one hand 
and vest in the other.) 

Lizzie — O, Otway, where will you go? 

Otway — To take that bill board back 
where I found it. 

Lizzie — Then you are not discharged? 
You are not going away? 

Otway — Yes, discharged; that is, I 
have been given my two weeks' notice. 

Lizzie — What might not happen dn 
two weeks' time? 

Otway — Great affairs of pith and mo- 



26 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

ment. I might fall in love with you one 
moment and out the next, fair bandager 
of busted heads. 

Lizzie — Nay, nay. You love me not. 

Otway — Why not? Why, nay — nay? 
'Tis the cry of the stable, not of the par- 
lors. (Bell, one ring. Lizzie starts to 
leave.) 

Otway (Catching her) — O, dearest 
Lizie, if you were not so busy, I could 
a tale of love unfold. (Bell, one ring 
vigorously.) 

Lizzie — (Pointing to bell) — Hear, 
hear, I must go. 

Otway (Holding her close) — Here, 
here, you must stay. Think you not I 
shall be heard above the ringing of the 
menial's bell? Lizzie, dearest Lizzie, I 
love \-ou. I have loved you ever since 
you bandaged up my throbing head; 
would that you could bandage up my 
throbing heart instead. (Both arms 
around her, holding her close, hiding 
her face.) O, Lizzie, give to me some 
token that will ease a heart that's 
broken. Lizzie, do you love me? 

Lizzie (W^ith her face hidden under his 
arm, she gives the two grunts signifying 
■■yes.") 

Otway (Still holding her close) — 
Come to my arms. 

Lizzie (Looking up dazed) — Where 
am T? 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDJA!^ 27 

Otway (Holding her at arms' length) 
— Give me a kiss. (Bell, two rings. Ot- 
way starts up quickly, releasing Lizzie. 

Lizzie (Catching him as he is about tc 
answer the bell) — Is it the bell and a 
breach of promise? (Bell, two rings, 
vigorously.) 

Otway (Struggling) — Let go, Lizzie. 
Don't you hear that bell? 

Lizzie (Shaking her head in negative 
and giving the two negative grunts) — Ot- 
way. I guess you can take the token, if 
your heart is broken. (Bell, two rings.) 
Enter Electa, R. 
(Unobserved.) 

(At sound of bell Otway starts and 
then throws arms about Lizzie and they 
make exit hugging and kissing. Electa 
watches them and then sits down near 
table, placing thereon her work basket. 
She takes up needle work grumbling 
and, shaking her head, eventually break- 
ing out distinctly.) 

Electa — Jack Harris, I don't care what 
becomes of you now. To think that you 
would take up with that masterpiece of 
town gossip, Trixie Feodore. I sus- 
pected as much when that male servant 
brought in that horrid picture with her 
shameless red hose. Brother Ebenezer 
tells me my suspicions are correct and 
that he will cut John off with barely 
enough to live on. Poor Ebenezr — I am 



28 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

really sorry for Ebenezer — such ser- 
vants! The servant question in this 
house is getting to be a serious propo- 
sition. (Enter Lizzie, L., who passes 
through without looking up, Exit R.) 
There goes one of them now. I shall 
speak to Brother Ebenezer about her 
disgraceful actions with that male — (En- 
ter Otway, L., who passes through fol- 
lowing Lizzie without looking up. Exit 
R.) Hot on the scent. This is too 
much. (Starting toward L.) 
Enter Trixie Feodore, Harold DeGraff 
and Lizzie, R. 

Lizzie — A lady and gentleman to see 
Mr. Ebenezer. 

Electa— Call him, Lizzie. (Exit Liz- 
zie, L.) (Aside) I believe she is the same. 
fTrixie swings around room, lifting her 
skirt so as to display a red stocking.) 
The .'•ame (With emphasis.) (Stiffly) 
Will you be seated? Mr. Harris will be 
here directly. (Otway enters R., follow- 
ing Lizzie without looking up, Exit R. 
Electa seats herself opposite side from 
callers, intending to stay.) 

Enter Ebenezer, C. 

Trixie (Running to him — O, Ebe 

Ebenezer —Eh, eh — (Glacing at Elec- 
ta) ;Mrs. Rutherford, allow me to present 

Jack's friend. Miss Trixie (Electa 

rises stifly and disdainfully, swinging out 
-.vithout speaking, Exit C.) (Trixie 
laiighs.) 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 29 

Ebenezer (Whistling) — Well, she's 
gone anyway. I'm awful glad to see you, 
Trixie girl (Embracing her), but you 

nearly (noticing DeGraff for the first 

time) Who's that? 

Trixie — Why, papa. This is Mr. De- 
Graff, my manager. He is an attorney- 
at law. 

DeGraff (Roughly)— Yes, DeGraff— I 
came to se fair play between you two. 

Ebenezer — O, you did, did you? Trixie, 
girl, what are we going to play? 

Trixie — There, there, you dear old boy. 
(Putting her arm about him.) 

DeGraff— "The moth and the flame," 
with you as the flame. Say, you don't 
seem to realize that Miss Feodore is a 
great actress. Her annual income would 
make Carnegie jealous. Do you expect 
her to give up all that for you? 

Ebenezer (To Trixie) — You are will- 
;:ig, eh, pretty? 

Trixie — Yes, Ebe, but don't you love 
me enough, just to make a little settle- 
ment, just a little, Ebe, say, enough to 
keep me in hosiery, if anything would 
happen to you? 

Ebenezer— What makes you think any- 
thing's going to happen to me, Trixie, 
girl? 

Trixie- Because you are so stingy, 

Ebenezer — O, come now, haven't I 
bor.ght all the red silk in the market 



30 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

until even the market is tight? 

Trixie — You're all right, Ebe, and I 
love you, but I think you might let go — 
just a little — just enough to let me know- 
that I am not taking a false step. I am 
giving up the stage, it's suppers after 
the show, the applause, the attentions 
of the fools, young as well as old. And 
then again, Ebe, you might not live long, 
and T might be cast out on a cold, cold 
world. 

Ebenezer — Don't. Trixie. wixey. not 
the cold, cold — what makes you think 
I'll not live long? 

Trixie — You know. Ebe. I hope you'll 
live forever. 

Ebenezer — It's a settlement you want. 
Well, I guess that's all right. (Rattling 
money in pocket) I guess your Ebe can 
make a settlement. How much shall it 
be? 

DeGraff — Here's the papers. 

Ebenezer — We won't need any papers. 

Trixie — O, yes, we will, Ebe. It's the 
only proper way. Marriage settlements 
— you understand. 

Ebenezer — Let me see the paper. 

DeGrafiF— You'll find it all right. All 
ready to be filled in and signed. (Hand- 
ing paper.) 

Ebenezer (Examining) — You put the 
amount here? (Indicating lines.) 

DeGraff -That's right, on those two 
blank lines. 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 31 

Ebenezer — Two lines; you must imag- 
ine I'm going to give away enough to 
build a public library. 

Trixie — Now, Ebe, you're not going to 
be short with your little Trixie, are you? 

Ebenezer (Handing paper to DeGraff) 
— Fill it out. I'll sign. 

DeGraff— That's the talk. 

Trixie — O, you dear — and tonight af- 
ter the show. You'll be around at the 
theatre, won't you, Ebe? 

Ebenezer— O, I'll be there— I'll be 
there, Trixie, girl. How long has it been 
since I've missed a night. Who says that 
I am getting old? Am I not ardent, 
Trixie, wixey? 

Trixie — You're just the bestest boy in 
the world. 

DeGraff (Seating himself at table) — 
Well, how much shall we fill it out for? 
Enter Lizzie, C. 
(About to pass without stopping.) 

(To Lizzie) — Here, girl, just a minute. 

(To Ebe) — We'll need a witness, you 
know. Well, how much? 

Ebenezer (Looking lovingly at Trixie) 
— Make it- -make it two hundred and fif- 
ty dollars. 

DeGraff— Fifty thousand dollars. Why, 
man, you don't know her worth. 

Ebenezer — I say, two hundred and 
fifty 

DeGraff -O, well, that's pretty good. 



32 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

(Writing) Two hundred and fifty 

(Winking at Trixie) thousand. Here 
you are, now your name; sign it here. 

Ebenezer (Taking pen and smiling at 
Trixie) — This is all for you. (Signs.) 

DeGraff — Here, girl, you sign here. 
(Lizzie signs) And I'll sign. (Exit Liz- 
zie, C.) 

Enter Otway, R. 
(He immediately retires, C.) 

Ebenezer — You'll sign? (Looking over 
shoulder) Give me that paper! 

DeGraff — Just as soon as you make 
payment. 

Ebenezer — You have made it out for 
two hundred and fifty — two hundred and 
fifty — thousand. (Falls in chair.) 

DeGraff — Yes, and you've signed. 

Trixie — O, come, my dear boy, don't 
take it so hard. You know you love 
your little Trixie, wixey. (Ebenezer 
looks up appealingly but speechless.) 

DeGraff — Come on, Trix. This isn't 
half bad. Good day, Harris. (Ebenezer 
grunts.) 

Trixie — Don't forget to be down to- 
night. Everything will come out all 
right. Bye-bye, old boy. (Exit DeGraff 
and Trixie.) 

Ebenezer (Trying to recover himself) 
— Trixie — DeGraff — What's in a name? 

Enter Lizzie L. 

(Lizzie passes through without stopping. 

Exit, R.) 



THE GOVERNOR*S GOARDIAri 33 

(Ebenezer tries to recover.) 
Enter Otway, L. 
(Following Lizzie, Exit R.) 
Enter Electa and Alice, C. 

Electa — Ebenezer, Jack Harris is — 
Ebenezer, what is the matter? 

Ebenezer (Mumbling) — Two hundred 
and fifty 

Electa (Shaking him) — Ebenezer. what 
are you talking about? 

Alice — O, Auntie, did he faint? 

Ebenezer (Rousing and seeing Alice 
and Electa, then falling back) Jack — 
Jack, how could you do it? 

Electa (Sternly) — Alice, go to your 
room. It is not fit for you to hear. 

Alice — You will call me. Auntie, if 
there is anything I can do? 

Electa— Yes, dear. (Exit Alice.) Now. 
Ebenezer, tell me all about it. 

Ebenezer — Eh, tell you; no Eclecta. 
not now; tomorrow. O, Jack — Jack! 

Electa — Ebenezer, if I am intruding I 
can leave within the hour, — I 

Ebenezer — No — don't go. I must lean 
on some one in my hour of trial, Eclecta. 

Electa — Electa, not Eclecta. Ebenezer. 

Ebenezer — Ec — Electa, I am getting 
old and to think, just to think, that the 
flower of my life — my only child — my 
baby — my Jack 

Electa — There, there, brother, maybe 
it isn't so bad after all 



34 TH£ GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

Ebenezer — Yes, it is! Eclecta. It's terr 
rible. It's disgraceful, positively dis- 
graceful. O, that I should live to — to — 

Electa — I knew it. You don't need to 
tell me more. That horrid red leg — that 
— and Jack. 

Ebenezer. (Nodding) — Yes, Eclecta, 
what am I to do? 

Electa — Do — Ebenezer — do; why, your 
coi-rse is clear. 

Ebenezer — What, shall I pay the 
money? 

Electa — Not another cent. Ebenezer. 
I'd even cut off his allowance until he 
comes to his senses. 

Ebenezer— But DeGraff, he might — 
he has murder in his eye. 

Electa— DeGraff, who is DeGraff? 

Ebenezer (Whistling) — Why — Eclec- 
ta 

Electa— Electa. 

Ebenezer — Why, Electa, hasn't Jack 
worked me all his life and isn't that 
graft? (Rising) But come, Ec — Electa, 
I dont' want your visit spoiled. Don't 
let this worry you. The old man will 
find a way. Yes, Electa, I'll save Jack 
from that — from that Trixie Feodore. 
yes Ec — Electa, I'll save Jack if I have 
to marry her myself. 

Electa — Ebenezer ! 

Ebenezer — Parental duty, Ec — Electa. 
] owe it to my son and heir. He has 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 35 

been a good boy. Jack has. There is no 
other way. 

Electa — Stop and think. Ebenezer. 
There may be another way. Ebenezer. 
why couldn't you buy her off? 

Ebenezer —What, two hundred and fif- 
ty thous (Sinking in chair) No. Ec — 

Electa — I'll marry her first. 
Enter Lizzie, L. 
(Passes through without looking up. 
Exit R.) 
Enter Jack, C. 
Jack — Hello — What's the matter here? 
What's the matter with the Governor, 
Aunt Electa? 

Enter Otway, L. 

(Following Lizzie. Exit R.) 

Electa — Matter enough, you beast. 

Jack — O, come, Aunt Electa, you're 

joking. Just as soon as you fix up those 

shares I'll only need two hundred and 

fifty 

Ebenezer — Who said, "Two hundred 
and fifty ? 

Jack — Never mind, father, this is a 
secret between Aunt Electa and me. 

Electa (Stiffly) — Young man, you and 
I have no secrets. (Rings bell, one ring.) 
Enter Lizzie, R. 

Call Miss Alice. 

Lizzie— Yes'um. (Exit, C.) 

Jack — Alice, good. I have been look- 
ing for her all the afternoon. I want to 



36 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

tell her how near I am to my goal. 

Electa — I think, mj'^self, it is time for 
her to know how near you are to your 
goal. Ebenezer, I want Alice to know 
the truth at once. 

Ebenezer — You tell, her, Eclecta. 
Enter Alice, C. 

Jack— O, Alice, I only need two hun- 
dred and fifty-one more shares and I 
hnve won. My broker promises them to 
nie today. 

Electa— Alice, I forbid you to hold 
converse with that creature. 

Jack — Now, look here, Aunt Electa, I 
demand your reasons for this treatment. 
T love Alice and I have told her so. I 
now tell you and I tell you frankly this 
innr.endo has gone far enough. If I have 
done anything that Alice or you can take 
exception to, T am entirely ignorant of 
what it is: Since I first saw Alice, my 
every thought has been to win her re- 
spect — her love. Now, father, I demand 
pn explanation. 

Ebenezer— Ec — Electa, you explain. 

Electa — John Harris, can you deny 
that 3^ou have been holding clandestine 
meetings with that — that Trixie Feo- 
dore? 

Jack — T surely can, Aunt Electa. I 
•Tever .^aw the woman in my life. I only 
^-no\v her by reputation. 

Ebenecer (Weakly) — Jack! 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 37 

Enter Otway, R. 
(Abruptly.) 

Electa (To Otway) — What are you do- 
ing here? 

Otway (In confusion) — I thought — I 
thought that Miss Lizzie was here. 

Electa — Miss Lizzie! Lizzie is not 
here. 

Otway — Ye-es, ma'am. (Exit, C.) 

Electa (Turning to Jack) — You are 
sure you are not helping her to make her 
— her reputaion? 

Jack — Judging from what I have seen 
(Looking at Ebenezer) she requires 
older men than I in that endeavor. 

Alice — Aunt Electa, let me question 
Mr. Harris. He has been known to pre- 
varicate to you. (To Jack) Will you 
tell me the truth? 

Tack — Yes, Alice. 

Ebenezer (Weakly) — Jack. 

(Alice rings bell, two rings.) 
Enter Otway, C. 

Alice (To Otway) — Come here. (Alice 
carefully stands Otway face to face with 
Jack) Now, INIr. Harris, can you truth- 
fully say that you are neither acquainted 
with, nor have you any secret alliance 
with the woman whose picture Otway 
brought into this house this morning? 

Jack — I can, Alice, and more 

Otway (Quickly) — It wasn't Mr. Jack, 
Miss Alice. It was Mr. Eb 



38 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

(Ebenezer falls from chair.) 

Jack (Running to Ebenezer) — Father. 

Electa — Otway, raise the window. 
Alice, go for my smelling salts, in the 
dresser in my room. Exit Alice, L.) 
(Electa, Jack and Otway raise Ebenezer 
to chair or couch.) 

(To Jack) — It will take more than this 
to convince me. 

(Enter Alice, L.. with Salts.) 

(Electa holds salts for Ebenezer; Jack 

takes Alice to one side.) 

Jack — Alice, need I say more? Don't 
you know I speak the truth? 

Alice — I am well aware, Mr. Harris, 
that a servant's tongue can be bought. 

Jack (Hurt)~Alice 

Alice (Crying) — To think that you 
could — that you (Exit, L.) 

Jack — You may go, Otway. (Exit, R.) 
Aunt, Electa, I wish to speak with fath- 
er (Waiting) alone. 

Electa — Of course, to patch up evi- 
dence. I distrust you both. (Leaving) 
Go ahead, I am anxious to see what your 
next move will be. Hadn't I beter call 
the valet, the errand boy, the male ser- 
vant. Surely he needs posting. (Exit. 
C.) 

Jack — Now, look here, father. It isn't 
a son's business to look into a father's 
closet of skeletons, but I tell you this 
business is hurting me with Alice. She 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 39 

believes me guilty of — of — well, you 
know better than I do, just the nature of 
the guilt. 

Ebenezer — Jack, it's a question of two 
hundred and fifty thous 

Jack — I think you are mistaken, fath- 
er. I am glad you spoke of the money, 
however. After all that is the main thing 
now. Now, to carry out my plans, which, 
by the way, I ask the privilege of keep- 
ing secret just one day longer, I need 
about twenty-six thousand dollars. If 
you will let me have that amount for six 
months I will be able to pay it back, 
every cent, at the end of that time. 

Ebenezer (Dazed) — DeGraff — Trixie — 
and now, Jack. Two hundred and sev- 
enty-six thousand dollars! (Shaking 
himself together and rising) No, sir, not 
one damned cent. Hereafter your 
monthly allowance will be cut down to — 
to — let me see 

Jack — Father! 

Ebenezer — Now, just tell me what you 
spend money for. 

Jack — Why, father, I wouldn't know 
where to begin. 

Ebenezer — Begin any place, Name 
one necessity. 

Jack — Well, there is cab hire. 

Ebenezer — Cab hire! Well, I suppose 
so. Let me see, I spend about five a 
month for cab hire — sixtj^ a year. That's 



40 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

enough. (Producing paper and pencil 
and putting down sixty dollars.) What 
else? 

Jack — It costs something to dress? 

Ebenezer — Of course it does, but not 
more than three hundred a year. I dress 
on three hundred a year. 

Jack— But father 

Ebenezer — That make three hundred 
and sixty a year. I guess that will have 
to do. 

Jack — And then 

Ebenezer — And then what? 

Jack — There are incidentals, father. 
..Ebenezer — Incidentals? We'll make it 
a hundred and forty a year. That makes 
just even five hundred a year. That is 
the limit in the future. You have been 
squandering something like three thou- 
sand a year. We will just cut that down 
to five hundred. I guess that cut will 
suit Eclecta. 

Jack (Slowly) — Father, in the future I 
shall not look to you for anything. I 
shall go out from this house, my moth- 
er's home, tonight. You have never had 
cause to be ashamed of me and I hope 
never to give you cause; but my life is 
nearly ruined. The woman I might have 
w^on is lost to me. The position, I held 
almost within my grasp, is lost. There 
is nothing left but one step after an- 
other, all in the dark. Good-bye, father. 
(Exit, C.) 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAI^ 41 

Ebenezer (Calling weakly) — Jack — 
Jack — (Rings bell, one ring.) 
Enter Lizzie, R. 

Lizzie — Here is a letter for you, sir. 

Ebenezer — A letter for me? Lizzie, 
tell Mr. Jack (Opening letter.) No. wait. 
(Aside.) From Trixie. That is all, Liz- 
zie. (Exit Lizzie, L.) (Reading) Dear 
Old Ebe — Old, bah! Unless you see fit 
to settle within twenty-four hours the 
world shall know all. Not only that, but 
measures will be taken to do you bodily 
harm. Now, Ebe, old boy, take my ad- 
vice and settle. My husband, Harold De- 
Grafif; — her husband; — is a bad man to 
meddle with and when he finds out 3^ou 
really care for me, your life won't be 

worth two whoops in 

Your loving Trixie Feodore." 

I guess I'd better get the money. 
(Turns down light. Exit, C. 
Enter Otway, R. 

(Carrying bottle plainly labeled car- 
bolic acid.) 

Otway (tragedically) — Life no longer 
holds anything but fatal charm. I have 
followed my adored one all over the 
house, but she will have none of me. 
She calls me a valet, and says no valet 
will ever get her, so I will write my fare- 
well here. And then (picking up bottle) 
if I've got the nerve (sits at table and 
writes) : Dear Lizzie — Your broken- 



42 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

hearted Otway has gone away — never to 
return. If yon had loved me — but no 
more of that. I die by own hand. Yours 
even after death. Otway Bellows. (Fold- 
ing.) I'll leave this where she will find 
ii and then I'll drink death. (Exit, L.) 
Enter Lizzie, C. 

Lizzie (Dejected) — I did say that I'd 
never die for any man, but I am that 
distracted I'm not responsible. I'm not 
going to leave a fool note behind to be 
printed in the newspapers. If he had 
been man enough to have spoken up, we 
might have been happy by this time. 

What could you expect of a valet, a . 

But it's no use. They'll find all that's 
left if they drag the lake over in the 
park. (Looking out of window) I guess 
the water route's good enough for me. 
I'm going to put on my heavy coat, for 
I know the water's cold. I wonder if 
my hat's on straight. (Exit, R.) 
Enter Ebenezer, C. 

(Carrying long hemp rope over one 
shoulder, a botttle marked poison in one 
hand and a revolver in the other. Throw- 
ing rope over chandelier he attaches it 
with noose down. Lighting light at desk 
he removes large envelope from pocket 
and lays it on desk.) 

Ebenezer — There, my decision is 
made. Rather than face the world. I 
shall either (Placing his hands about 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 43 

throat and choking himself as he looks 
at rope) or (Acting as if drinking from 
bottle) or (acting as if shooting himself.) 
I have deeded all I own, every share of 
stock, every piece of real estate, every- 
thing to Jack. The only request I have 
is that I am leaving so suddenly, cut off 
in the prime of life, without the grasp 
of a friendly hand or the tear of a good 
woman. Where is Jack? If Jack only 
knew what I am about to do. I believe 
he would stop me. Yes. Jack would save 
my life. (Looking at bell.) But I'll not 
ring. It would make too much noise and 

I I have only made two requests. 

They are that no one will be allowed to 
view the remains, and the burial is to be 
private. (Turns down light and pushes 
table under chandelier.) If the hemp 
don't do, I'll take the poison, and then — 
the gun — but I do hate noise. (Climbs 
upon table and placing head into noose 
he makes frantic attempt to kick table 
from under him. Failing, he takes hold 
of rope above head and swings out away 
from table.) 

Enter Jack, C. 

(Carrying revolver. He does not not- 
ice Ebenezer, but goes directly to desk 
and turns on light. Ebenezer gives 
spasmodic jerk. 

Jack — It is all off. I shall never leave 
this house alive. Jackson says there is 



44 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

no more Great Eastern to be had. Alice 
— I've written a note to Alice, but she 
will never believe me. 

Ebenezer (Choking voice) — Jack 

Jack (Picking up envelope) — What's 
this? Addressed to me. 

Ebenezer (Choking) — Jack 

Jack — (Turning quickly) — Father ! 
( Running to him Jack helps him down 
and into a chair) Father, what does it 
all mean? 

Ebenezer— It's all yours, Jack. There 
in the envelope. Take it. Jack. 

Jack (Securing envelope) — Father! 
Enter Electa and Alice, C. 

Ebenezer — It's your. Jack. All the 
real estate, all the money and all the 
stocks, Jack. There's a thousand shares 
of Consolidated Steel, a thousand of 
Great Eastern, all good 

Jack — Great Eastern — I'm saved. 

Ebenezer— And. Jack, I'm going to 
have the Probate Court appoint you my 
guardian. Jack. I need a guardian. 

Electa-Amcn to that. 
Curtain. 



IKE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 45 



ACT III. 

Same or different interior. 
Enter Lizzie, R. Otway, L. 

Otway — Lizzie! 

Lizzie — I do not know you, sir. 

Otway — It's Otway, Lizzie. Don't yon 
know me? 

Lizzie (Thinking) — Otway — Otway. I 
knew a man of that name once. He was 
a valet, but he is dead. I have his fare- 
well letter here in my pocket. (Produc- 
ing note.) 

Otway — That is my note to you, Liz- 
zie. I intended to die, but just as I un- 
corked the bottle and was about to swal- 
low the fluid poison, the bell rang twice 
and what could I do but — but wait on 
Mr. Ebenezer. 

Lizzie — I guess you are a pretty good 
valet after all. (Aside) I'm glad I didn't 
leave a letter. I don't have to say the 
water was too cold. 

Otv/ay (Hesitating) — What would you 
say if I told you I loved you, Lizzie? 
(Lizzie walks slowly all around, Otway 
following, always at about some dis- 
tance.) 

Lizzie — What, after death? 

Otway— All the time, Lizzie. Now and 
hereafter. 



46 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

"Lizzie — That won't do. 

Otway — What won't do, Lizzie? 

"Lizzie — Why, the hereafter part. 

Otway — How can I help it, Lizzie? 

Lizzie — You'll have to help it. Sup- 
posing you would die first. 

Otway — I want to. I don't want to live 
after you die. 

Lizzie — Nor I don't want to be in love 
with a ghost. 

Otway — Then what will you say if I 
tell you that I love you and will love 
you until death do us part? (Making 
quick step toward Lizzie, but she quick 
steps too.) 

Lizzie — We are not neck and neck 
yet, Otway. 

Otway (Seating himself) — No, Lizzie, 
you are still in the lead. 

Lizzie — You are distanced, Otway. 

Otway — Lizzie, come here. 

Lizzie — I wish that bell would ring. 

Otway (Taking big bottle, plainly 
marked poison from pocket) — Come 
here, Lizzie. 

Lizzie — What is that, Otway? 

Otway — A widow producer. Come 
here. 

Lizzie — No. 

Otway — Then I will drink. (Raising 
bottle.) 

Lizzie — Don't drink, Otway (Running 
to him) — I'll come. 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 47 

Otway — Lizzie. Lizzie falls in his 
arms.) (Bell rings.) Then it is all fixed. 
We will be married, Lizzie? 

Lizzie — Yes, Otway. (Turns light 
down.) 

Otway (Picking up bottle)— Then I'll 
throw this away. 

Lizzie — No, Otway. Save it. You 
may need it later. (Bell rings several 
rings.) (Exit Lizzie and Otway, one 
trying to go one way and one another.) 

Enter DeGraff through window, R. 
(After looking around cautiously, he re- 
turns to window.) 

DeGraff (Loudly)— Come on, Trix. It's 
all right. 

Enter Trixie in male attire. 

You see, there ain't no one here. 

Trixie (Quietly) — Hal, you must keep 
quiet or we'll lose out. 

DeGraff — Lose out, will we? I've come 
to get that two hundred and fifty thou- 
sand or something just as good, see? 

Trixie (Stumbling against chair, mak- 
ing noise) — No, I don't see. 

DeGraff — Come on, we might just as 
well go through the house until we find 
that old- 

Trixie — What are you going to do with 
him, when we find him ? 

DeGraff — Squeeze him, Trix, for trifl- 
ing with your affections. Hello, here 
comes some one. Get oiit quick. (Exit. 
R.) 



48 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

Enter Electa and Jack, C. 

Jack (Turning on light) — Now, Aunt 
Electa, I want you to give up your idea 
of going back to the farm. We can't do 
without you here. The Governor will 
need you. 

Electa (Heatedly) — I suppose so, now 
when he has found out that that flaming 
flame of his is Grafter's wife. No, Jack. 
I cannot be dependent upon your father's 
generosity any longer. 

Jack — But, Aunt Electa, you will not 
be dependent on the Governor. Alice and 
you will be my guests; and right wel- 
come guests, too. You see, the Gov- 
ernor hasn't a cent. He has deeded and 
given everything to me. O, of course he 
will have an allowance. You know I am 
now the Governor's guardian, and I want 
you to help me take care of them. 

Electa — Well, I guess you will need 
help all right, Jack. 

Jack — To be sure, and now, about that 
Great Eastern stock of yours? 

Electa— That goes to Alice, Jack. If 
you can win her, you can keep the stock 
in the family, and I hope you can. 

Jack — I have all the Great Eastern I 
need, Aunt Electa. I love Alice for her- 
self alone, and I want you to help me 
convince her. 

Electa— I don't know. She still has 
dreams of red-legged pictures and wild 
nights. 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARD!A1« 49 

Jack — That's all right. It shows that 
she thinks of me. 

Electa — Yes, and what she thinks of 
you; but I'll do what I can. (Exit, L.) 

Jack — You're all right, Aunt Electa. 
(Taking out cigar and lighting it) Well. 
everything has gone pretty well with me 
— Great Eastern is mine, and at the an- 
nual meeting, next week, I shall vote 
myself into the presidency. I have been, 
taking an inventory and the truth is, I 
could plant a few Harris libraries with- 
out asking the assistance of the towns 
I wished to benefit; but I'll never do 
that. I'd rather provide homes for aged 
people, especially old men. They re- 
quire care and attention to keep them 
out of mischief. I wonder how it appeals 
to Alice to know I am the Governor's 
guardian. 

Enter DeGraff and Trixie, carrying 
ropes, etc. 

(Sitting down.) Well, she will have 
to admit that she will not be marrying 
a man's father's money, anyway, for it is 
all mine now. (DeGraff slips up behind 
and quickly removes Jack's cigar to his 
own mouth, at the same time tieing a 
large handkerchief around Jack's head, 
covering mouth. Jack strikes out quick- 
ly, but Trixie wraps rope around his legs 
as DeGraff presents revolver to Jack's 
head.) 



50 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

DeGraff — Throw up your hands and 
don't talk. 

Jack (Muffled) — How the devil can T 
talk? 

Trixie — This isn't Ebe — 

DeGraff — No? What makes you so 
an.xious to see him? 

Trixie — Don't you want to see him. 
flal? 

DeGraff^— Yes, and I'm going to, too. 
Say, you, where's the old man? 

Jack — The Governor? 

DeGraff — Yes, the Gov — theold guy. 

Jack — I don't know. 

DeGraff — How can we call a servant? 

Jack (Starting from chair, but falling 
bpck) — Push that button twice. 

DeGraff — No, you don't. I'll call when 
I get ready. You sit right there. There's 
paper and a pen. Now write. (Present- 
ing revolver) Do as I tell you or I'll 
shoot. (Jack reluctantly picks up pen 
and writes. ( (Dictating): "Dear Gov- 
ernor — I have been abducted and am held 
out in the front yard, behind the lilac 
bushes. You must bring out one thou- 
sand dollars at once. You must come 
yourself. If any one else comes the 
money will be lost and I will be killed. 
I am held by a gang headed by Trixie 
Feodore." That v/ill do, now sign. Hold 
your hands out in front of you. Hold 
'em out! Straighter! Now, Trix. put 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 53 

that rope around his arms. That's it: 
good. (After tieing arms securely they 
drag chair over to alcove and stand Jack- 
up behind curtains. DeGraff replaces 
chair at desk.) Now, Trix, get out of 
the window. I don't want you to be 
seen. I'm going to ring. He said twice, 
but I'll try one ring first (Rings bell, one 
ring.) 

Enter Lizzie, L. 

DeGraff — Hello, is oldman Harris 
here? 

Lizzie — Yes, sir. 

DeGraff — Give him this note and be 
in a hurry. 

Lizzie — Yes. sir. (Exit, L.) 

DeGraff — Come on. Trix, and bring 
those ropes. Hurry up; we've got no 
time to lose. (Exit, C.) 

Enter Ebenezer, L. 

Ebenezer (Reading note) — Well, this 
is rich — Jack is kidnapped and by Trixie- 
wixey. Now, that's Jack's luck. Why 
couldn't it have been me? What? Go 
out to the lilac bushes and meet that 
gang? Not for Ebenezer. There would 
surely be noise and I do hate noise. I 
may need a guardian, but I guess the 

old man's too wise for 

Enter DeGraff and Trixie. C. 
(Binding and gagging Ebenezer quickly.) 

DeGraff — You won't go to . the lilac 
bushes, eh? Well, you'll cough more 



52 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

than a thousand or you'll think the lilac 
bushes a cool place compared to the 
climate you'll soon be enjoying. Come 
on. (Exit, dragging Ebenezer through 
window.) 

Enter Alice, R. 
(Alice moves chair to table and writes.) 

Jack (Muffled) — Otway! (Alice writes) 
Aunt Electa! Father! (Alice looks up)' 
.Mice! 

Alice— Who calls? 

Jack (Runnirtg words together) — Alice 
— I'm — in — the — alcove. 

Alice (Going to window at right) — 
Surely someone called my name. Why, 
this window is open. (Closes window.) 

Jack— In — the — alcove — Alice. 

Alice (Crossing to alcove) — I wonder 
who it is. (Throwing back curtains) 
Jack Harris, you poor boy! (Taking 
hold of him and trying to pull him for- 
ward.) 

Jack — Wait — I — can't — walk. Take — 
• iff— this — beastly — rag. (Alice takes off 
handkerchief and starts to untie rope.) 

Alice — There, now, just a minute. 
Tack. 

Jack— Hold on Alice. Alice, do you 
love me? 

Alice — That has nothing to do with 
'he case. Tack Harris. 

Jack — Well, it's going to have a whole 
lot to do with whether you untie these 
rones or not. 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 53 

Alice — Jack Harris, you are cruel. Of 
course, I must reliease you. 

Jack— That's just what I want, Alice. 
I want to be released from this uncer- 
tainty. Do you love me? 

Alice — I refuse to say, but I am going 
to untie these ropes. 

Jack — No, you're not, not unless you 
love me. 

Alice— Jack, I say I am. I'd release 
f ou even if you — if you 

Jack — Were mixed up with Trixie Feo- 
dore? 

Alice — Yes, even then, but I'm not 
sure but that I'd choke her with these 
ropes. 

Jack— Come here, Alice. You know 
you care, and you can't help knowing 
that I love you and will always. If you 
will be my wife, Alice, you may untie 
the ropes. If not, I ask you to leave me 
just as I am. 

Alice — Jack, you are cruel. 

Jack— I have been tied up worse than 
this ever since I first saw you, Alice. I 
have tried my level best to lift myself 
above the commonplace. You shouldn't 
expect too much of the past. A fellow is 
very seldom anything until he sees and 
loves the one woman. (Alice com- 
mences to untie rope quietly) You are 
the one woman, Alice, and nothing can 
ever change (noticing that Alice is 



54 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

slowly unwinding rope). You do care, 
Alice. You give me your love — quick — 
quick — and now the arms. (Holding out 
arms. She laughs and runs away.) Here. 
Alice, do untie my arms. (Alice shakes 
her head) I can't begin to express my 
love for you with my hands tied this 
way. 

Alice (Laughing) — You are doing very 
well. Jack. 

Jack — O, come, this isn't half fair. 
(Running to bell button, but Alice is 
nearer and covers button with hand.) 

Alice — Don't call any one, Jack. We 
don't need them. (Jack reaches and tries 
to kiss her cheek, but does not succeed.) 

Jack (Dropping on knees) — If you 
love me, Alice, untie my hands. 

Alice — O, no. Jack, you will have to 
try something new. You can't work me 
the same way twice. 

Jack (Rising)— Hang it, Alice. I must 
get my arms around you pretty soon. 

Alice — I guess there is plenty of time 
and just supposing Aunt Electa would 
come in and see us. 

Jack — Let her come. I'd like to kiss 
her, too. 

Alice — Jack! (Jack throws his looped 
arms over Alice's head and kisses her.) 
Enter Electa, C. 

Electa — Alice! Jack! What does this 
mean? 



THE GOVER?>IOR'S GUARDIAN 55 

Jack — That we are bound for life, Aunt 
Electa. Please come and untie this rope. 

Alice — -You can lift your arms over 
my head. 

Jack — -No. I can't, Alice, never. (Elec- 
ta unties rope.) But I had forgotten 

Alice and Electa— What? 

Jack — They have abducted the Gov- 
ernor and I am his guardian. 

Electa — They — who? 

Jack— Why, that woman, Trixie Feo- 
dore. 

Electa—Jack! 

Alice — I'm glad it wasn't you. Jack. 

Jack — But it was; they tied me up iirst 
and made me write a note to the Gov- 
ernor and he came down here and fell 
into their hands. I don't believe they are 
very far away. (Going to desk and se- 
curing revolver). I'll catch them if I 
hurry. 

Alice — Jack, you can't go — at least not 
alone. 

Enter Otway, R. 

Otway — A letter for you, sir. 

Jack — What's this? (Reading) Dear 
Jack: I am a prisoner. I've told them 
I do not own a cent, that you have all 
the money, that you are my guardian. 
If yon don't send Otway Vvnth two hun- 
dred and fifty thousand dollars they are 
going back to the house to get you. I 
don't know where T am or I'd tell you. 

L. ore. 



56 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

Send the money, Jack. I don't like this 
Feodora woman in pants, but that don't 
make much difference, as they promise 
to shoot me if you don't send the money." 
(Whistling.) Two hundred and fifty 
thousand dollars. They won't have to 
come for me, for I am going to them. 
(Starting to leave.) 

Otway — If you will pardon me. Mr. 
Jack, wouldn't it be better for you to 
remain right here, with the lights turned 
down, r think they are watching the 
house, sir, and if they come after you, I 
think we could be on the watch and take 
them, sir. We could then force them to 
take us to Mr. Ebenezer. 

Electa — A good suggestion. 

Alice — Do stay here, Jack. 

Jack — I have it. Give me those ropes. 
Now, help me tie Otway as they tied me. 
Come here, Otway. Here's where they 
left me standing. What's the matter, 
man? Come here. 

Otway — I think I will resign my posi- 
tion, sir. 

Jack — Resign, nonsense. Alice, ring 
for Lizzie. 

Otway — I'll stand, sir. 

Jack (When Otway is tied) — That's all 
right. Aunt Electa, you stand over there 
behind that door. Alice and I will hide 
in here. Pointing to alcove.) 

Electa — Do you think that is quite 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 57 

proper, Jack? 

Jack — Proper? Why, of course it's 
proper. 

Electa — I think Alice should corne ^Yith 
me. 

Jack — No — you — don't. Aunt Electa. 
But we must hurry; they may return any 
minute. (Exit Electa, R., and Alice and 
Jack, C, after turning down light.) 
Enter DeGraflf and Trixie. 

DeGraff— It's all right. He's tied up 
just where we left him. Hurry up. (They 
move toward alcove, where curtain is ar- 
ranged so that Otway is partially vis- 
ible. Just as they reach the alcove Jack 
steps out, covering DeGrafif with re- 
volver. Electa catches Trixie as she is 
running to window.) 

Jack — Throw 'em up. Don't make a 
crooked move or I'll shoot. 

Electa — Hold on, my boy. I guess I 
can take care of you. 

Trixie — Let go of me (Jerking wildly) 
Damn you, let go of me. 

Electa (Holding Trixie) — Why, it's a 
woman. It's . (Alice turns on light.) 

Jack (To DeGrafif) — Turn around. 
Walk to that chair. Alice, bring me a 
rope. (They wind rope around DeGraflf 
and chair.) There, I guess that will hold 
you until I ask you a few questions. 

Electa — Jack, come quick. She's too 
much for me. 



58 THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 

(Jack catches hold of Trixie's hand. 
Electa rings for Lizzie.) 

Enter Lizzie, C. 

Electa — Bring me one of your dress 
skirts, Lizzie. (Exit Lizzie, L.) 

Otway (Weakly) — Lizzie. 

Jack (Holding Trixie) — I want you to 
tell me where I can find the Governor. 

DeGraff— What'll you give? 

Jack — Well, Aunt Electa, we can afford 
to be generous, eh? 

Electa — Yes, Jack. 

Jack — We will give the lady her lib- 
erty, and will not prosecute her. 

DeGraff— That won't do. 
Enter Lizzie, L, 

Lizzie — Will this do? 

Electa— Very well. (To Trixie): Put 
on this. 

Trixie (Kicking leg at Electa) — I 
won't do it. 

Jack (Taking skirt and throwing over 
her head) — Put it on, I say, or you'll go 
to jail just as you are. (Trixie slowly 
puts on skirt.) 

Lizzie — Otway Bellows, so you are go- 
ing to jail too. 

Otway — Please untie these ropes, Liz- 
zie. 

Lizzie — Never; I'm on the side of the 
law. 

Otway — Lizzie, please. 

"Lizzie — You can take the prison, Ot- 
way. 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 59 

Jack — Come now, where is the Gov- 
ernor? 

Enter Ebenezer, R. 
(Clothes torn and muddy, generally dis- 
heveled appearance.) 

Electa — Ebenezer! 

Jack — The Governor, good. 

Electa — How did you get away? 

Ebenezer — They carried me away, Ec- 
lecta. 

Jack — But, father, how did you get 
back? 

Ebenezer — They left me tied up out 
in the stables, but I got away. My little 
Trixie-wixey purposely fixed the knots 
so I could get at them. 

Electa — Ebenezer! Would you accept 
freedom from that 

Ebenezer — Of course, Ec-Electa. She 
isn't half bad. She has been cursed with 
bad associations. 

Electa — Before she met you or since. 
Ebenezer? 

Ebenezer — Now, look here, Eclecta. I 
have a guardian and he is the only one 
who has a legal right to criticize my ac- 
tions. With his permission I am going 
to see justice done. -I am going to send 
that man (Pointing to DeGraff) to the 
penitentiary. As for little Trixie-wixey. 
she won't be pestered by him any more 
— nor by me — if she will take this little 
purse and go to Europe (Handing her 



60 THE GOV£RNOR*S GUARDIAN 

purse). And now, giiardie, (To Jack) 
will yon forgive your old dad for all the 
'loable he has caused? 

Jack — Why, yes, father, willingly. 
Alice has consented to be my wife. 

Ebenezer — Good, Jack, you're all right. 
You're both all right. You're a pair of 
Jacks. Say, guardie. 

Jack — Well, father? (Trixie shakes 
purse in front of DeGrafT.) 

Ebenezer — What are you going to al- 
low Tue? 

Jack — Allow you, father, what do you 
mean? 

Ebenezer — Why. for spending money, 
Jack. Yon know a fellow can't get 
around on air. 

Jack — O sure; what will you need? 

Ebenezer — I guess I can get along on 
—on ray, three thousand a year. 

Jack — Three thousand a year. What 
in the world will you do with three thou- 
sand a year? 

Ebenezer— Why, Jack, a man's got to 
dress. 

Jack— To be sure he has, but don't you 
remember you said yourself, not long 
ago, that a man could dress on three 
h'.mdred a year. (Taking out pencil and 
paper.) 

Ebenezer — Well, then there is cab hire. 

Jack — Yes. about sixty a year, if I re- 
iv.eir.ber correctly. (Writing.) 



THE GOVERNOR'S GUARDIAN 61 

Ebenezer — Then — then 

Jack — What then, father? 

Ebenezer — Why, incidentals, Jack. 

Jack — Of course, I had forgotten; well, 
I suppose ten a month, eh, we'll call it 
one hundred and forty for incidentals. 
That makes, let me see, just five hun- 
dress a year. I guess you'll have to 
make five hundred do, father. 

Ebenezer — I guess not. Jack. I might 
as well tell you, right now, you are the 
Governor's guardian all right, that is. 
Jack, almost, but I just thought that it 
would be as well to reserve a few thou- 
sands for incidentals, Jack. (Rattling 
money in pocket). A real good guardian 
wouldn't object to that. Jack. 

Alice — I should say not, Jack. 

Jack— It's all right; it's all right. Un- 
der the circumstances it will not be nec- 
essary to make an allowance at all. 
(Ebenezer wilts.) 

Electa — Well, I guess Jack is the 
right man for the Governor's guardian. 
Curtain. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

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